tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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