I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
