I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize