I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
