my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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