Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
