Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
