my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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