Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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