i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
