worst night to have a conscience
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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