well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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