and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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