Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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