We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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