Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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