We're like a lot better than the average bears
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
