but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
