You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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