I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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