You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
