Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
