You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize