$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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