dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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