proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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