What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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