Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
