Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
