operation harelip BJ is a go
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
