Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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