I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
