That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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