Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
