we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
