so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
