i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
