now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize