Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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