Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
