I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your cock deserves a montage
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The air taste purple.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
