I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
