Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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