Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
