you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella