ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem