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Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Randomize
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