so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.