hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.