like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
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Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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