Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
