Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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