she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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