She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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