Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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