we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
