afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
