My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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