Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
