ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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