one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
