why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
