yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
