well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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