well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
