Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
