I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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